It has been several weeks of ‘rough times’ in my family (on top of a rough year), as I have mentioned a few times in my social media stories. And I have not specified what exactly has been happening for so many reasons but after countless messages, prayers and encouraging words with a very heavy heart I want to fill y’all in.
A few weeks ago my mom called me during my children’s bed time which is a very odd thing for any of my family to do which immidiatley rose a red flag and I answered with gruff and jokingly response of “if someone is dying I don’t want to hear about it right now” (we have been losing family and friends to an unbearable count this year I was not trying to be a jerk…), and her response halted bedtime and myself in our tracks, “ok I will call you tomorrow then”. Long story short my Step Dad was in the hospital and we were told to prepare for a very rough couple of upcoming months.
A few weeks ago my Step Dad was diagnosed with cancer. Immediately we sprung into action trying to make preparations to get him home (several states away), and get him comfortable and buckle down for the months to come. Hence my absence the first week, I was trying to handle not only the news but trying to get thing prepared for him to be home and line out whatever I could help with. Meaning lots of calls, transferring information, and supporting and receiving support from our family.
Just over a week ago on their trip home my Step Dad passed. Hence my absence last week. There was no ‘rough months’ there was ‘limited days’. We lost an amazing man, a dad, a step dad, a spouse, a Papa.
I have had him in my life for over 15 years. I cut his hair, I talked with him, I have cried on his shoulder, I have watched him love my children, I have been supported by him through more life altering events then I care to admit (even the ones he didn’t care to support, and yes he made those moments clear), I have traveled to see him without my mother, and he has traveled to see me without her as well, I have been adjusted and aligned by him (he was a chiropractor), I have been partially raised by him, but above all I have loved him and counted on him for nearly half my life time.
There are no words to describe this pain that we have all undoubtedly felt, but we keep choosing to focus in on the silver lining. He was sick, and did not have to suffer the horrid months they ensured were coming. He did not have to live long with that dark cloud looming over his shoulder. He got to see all three of his sons in those few short days, and he went holding my moms hand. He left knowing how much we all loved him, and left us knowing how much he loved us.
He is gone but will never be forgotten. Not by any of us who got to share on the good days, deal with the bad days, got to gripe about his grumpy days, or laugh at his temper. And just because no one except a few of us will understand those moments, I want to share one more thing that most people can relate to, one of the many things we miss about someone lost is, something they always did.
I will always miss that without fail every single time I spent the night at their house I would wake up to him making me a cup of coffee. He ALWAYS made mine first, and as if he didn’t know exactly how I drank it (which he did because when we would have yard sales he would bring me out a perfectly made cup of coffee in a McDonalds to-go cup, which he kept stashed in the coffee shelf), he would set out the hazelnut creamer, the sugar and milk and a spoon for me, and grumble in his pre-coffee morning tone, “your cup of coffee is on the counter”. Then he would pop in the toaster either an English muffin or cinnamon swirl bread, while he got out a paper towel, butter, and whatever fixing he decided on. Once it was done toasting he would butter it, no matter what he was putting on top butter came first, then put on jelly mom had made, peanut butter, ect, and hand it to me as I walked out of the kitchen. There was not a single time he did not do that for me and I will miss it for the rest of forever, but I will hold it dear to my heart every time I wake up and make myself a cup of coffee in his coffee pot, when I stay in their house.
Rest peacefully Papa, I love you.
Till Next Tme, K.
Thank you all for all the continued prays, good vibes, and sweet encouraging messages, they were truly a blessing. What are some of your special memories from someone you’ve lost, or think about what special thing someone does that you will miss someday and tell me about them in the comments or on my social media @bossofalltraits